Lessons learned today: Don’t try to print things from libraries, it takes forever. Remember to turn in your seven rented copies of Monty Python’s The Flying Circus in on time. When taking your brother to the dentist, make sure you turn on the right street the first time, not the third. For that matter, don’t be on the phone and you might turn on the right street the first time. Always remember to pack your medicine if you’re going away from home in the evening. Always brainstorm a blog entry before you actually try to write it.
Today feels numb. Last night felt painful, and sad, and empty all whipped up together into a tornado of emotions. Today feels numb. Although that might be my body reacting to the unseasonably chilly weather here on the east coast of Florida we’re having.
Last night I made the mistake of researching Bipolar Disorder and relationships. Wow, talk about bad statistics: marriages fail, relationships are torn apart, families are disappointed, and it’s all linked to a disease. I refuse to be a statistic, but jeez, bipolar disorder is terrible. I should be angry and upset at the world, but instead I’m numb. Numb is the worst feeling of all because there’s nothing there to feel, just an existence. Numb is an ever pressing emptiness that tingles just enough to make itself known. Numb.
My mother says she hopes one day my blog, and documenting my life currently, will show a story of triumph and success through difficulties that could help other people who suffer from similar ailments. Let me tell you, I sure hope so, because right now the future seems dim. However, I’m sure there’s a light just on the other side, I just have to get there first.