Today was a rush of highs and lows, in fact, really this whole weekend was. I was elated to be with Matthew and my friends at school again, however, I didn’t realize how difficult it would be to be back at school with everyone who is actually currently accomplishing things. Deep down I realize that I’m accomplishing health and whatnot, but really I just wish I could push a button for that. Doesn’t everyone though? Wish there was a button that made it all easier. Oh, if only life were so simple.
For Valentine’s Day Matthew took me out to lunch and then proceeded to take me to a beautiful state park here in Florida called Maclay Gardens. The park was stunning, the scenery was beautiful, Matthew and I enjoyed running around and acting life goofs together. All in all it was a good day, until it wasn’t.
Leaving is always hard. Leaving in a long distance relationship is even harder. Leaving in a long distance relationship where both of you are sensitive people and one of you has been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder? I believe that should win some sort of medal for “hardest type of goodbye” or something. Now, obviously, I know I will see him again soonish, in some way or another, but that did not make waving goodbye to him and Tallahassee any easier. Tallahassee was my hopes and my dreams for the beginning of a new life: one with no more being constantly ill, one where I lived a floor above Matthew (instead of an hour), one where I pursued a career. Then Bipolar Disorder came and jumped all over my plans, hence I am typing this from home, not at college, or with my boyfriend, or with my best friends, just home.
I always try to end on a good note, so here’s my good note for today: the featured picture was taken by a couple that called out to Matthew and I while we were visiting Maclay to say: “Hey y’all are super cute. Do you want me to take a picture of you two with my Polaroid and then give you the picture?” To which we said: “Of course.” This now this lovely picture exists. Thanks Polaroid girl, you made my day.