Disillusioned.

Tonight I’m in a pretty cruddy mood. I am currently disillusioned with life. I’m tired of all the crappy things it throws at me: I’m tired of the illness, I’m tired of the weird circumstances, I’m tired of the fibromyalgia, I’m tired of the Bipolar Disorder, I’m tired of it all. Done. I’m just so done.

I sit at home all day trying to figure out what to do, and my parents say “I have plenty of things to do” like apply to EFSC and deal with withdrawal services, clean, and work on my stretches and exercises and time management skills. But guess what? I. Hate. Every. Single. One. Of. Those. Activities. The fact that I have to do stretches and exercises and plan out my day to a tee everyday for the rest of my life infuriates me! My life is such a joke sometimes!

And sure, there are lots of great things: I have a loving family, boyfriend, and friends, I have a house, and food, and clothes on my back, and I’m not in eminent danger of death. But you know what? That means I have to deal with all of this crap for the rest of my life and that is overwhelming and depressing.

A friend once jokingly told me that “my body didn’t deserve me”. I think they’re right. So if any of you suddenly know how to defy the laws of everything and clone my body except for all of my illnesses I’d like to move into that body, thanks.

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