Last night is remembered in snip-its of pain and crying. Last night was a giant concoction of intense fibromyalgia pains and psychological despair. Last night I hurt so badly I couldn’t fall asleep. Last night I was in such intense pain, inside and out, that I cried and cried until I could no longer breathe from the crying-induced congestion. Last night my sick father slept on the couch so that my mom could hold me close in their bed as I sobbed. Last night my parents had to lead me to their bed, my hands in theirs, as I sobbed, because I lacked the capacity to move. Last night was terrible, and I know that my future holds many last “nights”.
However, my future also holds “todays”. Todays are lazy days where I can watch any amount of movies and television shows, and eat all the ice cream my heart desires (which was actually just one bowl because we ran out…). Todays are filled with watching Fargo and deciding it’s not really your thing, and even though it had its moments you prefer Hail, Caesar and Inside Llewyn Davis. Todays are filled with the absurdism and pure British comedy that is Black Books, and all the laughing that ensues. Todays are filled with watching Trevor Noah and John Mulaney and Hector and the Search for Happiness (even though you’ve already seen it twice). Todays are filled with rest, and if I’m going to be honest, I like todays, even if it means I also have to endure last nights.