Babysitting and breakdowns and burdens. 

Today has been an emotional roller coaster. I woke up okay, got down, upped a little, had a complete breakdown, then put myself back together to babysit – which I’ve been actively doing until just now, all the kids are finally asleep.

Breakdown of the day consisted of lots of sobbing and freak out text message to my poor boyfriend, who handled it all pretty well. Sometimes I feel like such a burden on him. He’ll swear that I’m not ’till he’s blue in the face, but it doesn’t make me not feel like one. He already has a very stressful life, as he is a trumpet performance

— child giggling…one moment…sleep giggling, he was sleep giggling, I didn’t know that existed —

anyway, Matthew, he’s a trumpet performance major and is so stressed out and busy all the time because of his workload. Then on top of that he has to deal with me, his long distance-bipolar-girlfriend.

— crying…that is crying…must fix —

Continuing, I often feel like I only make his life harder, not easier. But I have to remember that he loves me and cares for me even with my illness. He loves me anyway. Even though I’m unstable, I freak out, and I’m sick, permanently. He loves me anyway, and for that I’m incredibly thankful.


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