Today I couldn’t feel my mouth. 

I haven’t posted in a little while. Life has been busy or I haven’t felt like writing. I don’t actually feel like writing now, but I know if I don’t post one soon I’ll be asked when my next blog post is coming and then I’ll do it then, so I might as well do it now. 

This week isn’t particularly exciting. Kind of a downer actually. Last week was too. Too many doctor’s appointments. It makes me have to actually think about the fact that my body doesn’t function normally. Otherwise I’m pretty good at ignoring my body, its ever-present pain signals, my inability to stand without feeling woozy and my legs turning red-purple, my constant fatigue. Nothing like the doctor to make you face your feelings in regards to your health. 

Last week I went to a doctor who worked my system up and down, told me all this stuff about my stomach bacteria (that she found out from a stool sample I had to do myself), how I don’t methylate because of some gene called MTHFR, how I carry the gene for Celiac’s (meaning I will likely develop it), and how I’m going to take a bajillion supplements and medicines to fix these problems and more. 

This week I went to the dentist (not a big deal at all, dental health doesn’t impact my life much) and will be driving to Mayo Clinic on Friday to go to a cardiology appointment. 

Today at the dentist I was “sandblasted” and drilled into, which would hurt, if not for the amazing powers of anesthesia! So the doc shot me up in my mouth and carried on doing the things he had to do to my teeth. At the end, when he’d drilled to his liking, and filled to his liking, he said: “let me wipe this white powder off your lips, don’t want anyone thinking you have a cocaine problem”. And that sums up my dental visit. 

Demtistry doesn’t make me think. Cardiology does. My heart has continued to get more and more problematic as I’ve gotten older and older, as things tend to do, except I’m 19. I’ve had a Mitral Valve Prolapse for as long as I can remember without any symptoms. However this year, following a halter test and an EKG and whatnot I was told I had PVCs (premature ventricular contractions), and was scheduled for more testing. Whilst this was happening my sister’s health was deteriorating and she was diagnosed with POTS, an illness I don’t feel like typing right now as I am writing this with one thumb from my iPhone. Her cardiologist thinks I’ll likely be diagnosed with the same thing. 

I’ve been having lots of heart pain lately. It gets to you after a while, a little worrisome. My body has been ridiculous too. I sleep constantly, my body hurts, walking is even a struggle sometimes. I try not to dwell on these things because when I start to ponder them I get all depressed and existential and realize how insignificant my life and my body is and just generally freak out and get depressed and act nothing like my normal self. 

Ugh life is hard and I hate doctors. I want chocolate. 


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