So, for the first day since July started (which isn’t too horribly long, but feels like forever when you feel crappy) I went out and did things and didn’t have to run away and hide, or start sobbing. In both cases it’s a step in the right direction.
I went to church this morning and didn’t have to leave service to escape the people and the feeling of a building closing in on me. Thumbs up.
Following that I went to see a good friend from high school perform. He just so happens to be a very talented jazz pianist, and he and his trio had a concert in town. Whilst there I got to catch up with a few high school friends. I also managed to maneuver this social situation without feeling like the room was suffocating me or surprise sob session. Bravo Susannah.
Post concert I went to help out at youth, a task I’ve been avoiding since the last time I went, when I broke down into a massive pile of tears mid-sermon. I was successful in my endeavor. I ate some food, played some games, made some sno-cones (ate four), socialized with some kids, manned the slides for worship, and worshipped God. All in all a successful youth experience.
Finally I went over to Jess, David, and Ryan’s. I went to hang out with Rachel and Sam (David’s wonderful brother and sister), but Rachel and I ended up watching a movie, whilst Sam and David played super smash bros. I didn’t cry or freak out there either.
Now I am home, getting ready to sleep, patting myself on the back for having it better together, even if it happens to be short term, and celebrating little moments of clarity.
Forgive me if this all sounds grumbled.