My pharmacists know me by name

Drugs I’ve tried since January:

-Abilify

-Seroquel 

-Lamictal

-Lithium

-Topamax

-Depakote

It’s August. I start Depakote tomorrow and am hoping for better results than with the Topamax, where my mood was better but I was: confused, had difficulty placing words, couldn’t feel my fingers and heels, slept constantly, wasn’t hungry and hardly ate, and my blood pressure rose. Needless to say, Topamax and I didn’t have a long run. Neither did lithium and I. Terrible skin rash, antsy, constantly tired, etcetera. Lamictal worked for a while, but I was always depressed, so while I remained stable, I remained at a stable bleh. Then there was abilify. The single worst drug I’ve ever taken. Made me feel like I had to move constantly. Like there were wires all over me. I was completely nutso and hardly slept. It was a pretty solid week of my life. 

So now, here I am, eight months into bipolar disorder, still awaiting my concoction and school starts on Monday. I’ve been wanting to do 14 credit hours this semester, and 14 next semester so that I’d have my AA done, but with the medications still wonky I’m getting nervous. A full load seems like a hard pill to swallow. I’m barely awake by 11, and next week I’m supposed to be in class by 9? I’m not so sure. Part of me is terrified of starting and having to medically withdraw again because let me tell you, medically withdrawing is a pain in the ass. Part of me thinks if I just bulldoze through everything will be fine. Part of me thinks I should put on David’s sweatshirt and hide in my closet. Part of me thinks without steady medical care I won’t be able to succeed academically. Part of me thinks I have no idea what I think, and that I should probably just listen intently and try to discern what God seems to think. I just find its hard to hear him, especially when we want fast answers. 

There are lots of parts of me apparently. ^

The depakote comes in tomorrow. I should see results by Sunday. 

Until then? I’ll be praying, trying to figure out what to do, and distracting myself with cool things I find on the Internet.

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4 thoughts on “My pharmacists know me by name

    1. I was thinking the same thing. The Depakote is fast acting, so if it helps I should know by Sunday before school starts, so my psychiatrist and I are playing it by ear. I will try to get out and take a walk, it’s just so hot! I live in Florida and it’s the hottest summer we’ve had since 1932. With my other medical issues I get tired out in the heat really fast, so it becomes a Catch 22. But thank you for your suggestion, I will make an effort to do that today!

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