Tomorrow is my first day of class. At 9:25 I will enter my first class going full-time in seven months. With all the recent medication changes, and failures, I’m wary of beginning again tomorrow. In fact, I’m terrified. My mood is all over the place: right now I’m happy and excited for school and listening to Stevie Wonder and it’s great. Earlier today? I was laying in bed sobbing because I was so stressed out and horribly sad. It’s crazy. I have been cycling like a madman. Is that normal? I’m not super familiar with Bipolar yet, I’m kind of a newbie, with lots of stress and medicine change is fast cycling during the day to be expected? I’m just not sure.
I have no idea how I will feel when I wake up at 8 am, the earliest I’ve woken in months, tomorrow to ready myself for the learning. I just know I’m going to give it my best shot.
I just really really don’t want to have to medically withdraw again, because it’s a mess and we’re still dealing with my FSU withdrawal seven months later. With my mood shifts and medicine shifts I’m afraid I’ll be in bed just completely incapable of leaving it.
Luckily, the school I will be attending is a walk in the park for me, at least thus far. I got a 98 as my final grade in my summer biology class. It’s essentially an upgraded community college, so it’s still easier than, or just as easy as, my AP classes in high school. My friends that took both say easier. That’s why I’m hoping maybe I can push through, with sheer will and intelligence.
I’m praying the answer will plop itself in my lap. Hopefully not particularly abruptly, just that after tomorrow and Tuesday I will know. I have until Thursday to withdraw without any sort of penalty.
It’s one of those moments where I am so not in control that it’s laugh or cry, so I’m giving it up to God. I’d like to do what he’d like me to do for the next semester and beyond. I’d also like my health to get better.
For now, Stevie Wonder is making it okay. I’m the “Sunshine of his life”. 😉