A turn for the worse

Today was…not my best day. I didn’t get out of bed until 1, and then it was just to shower, eat something, and then get back into bed. I messed around on the computer, I watched an episode of Supernatural, I researched housing options at UCF. Mostly I slept or laid down with my eyes closed. I had a headache for most of the day, and I was beyond exhausted from all the walking and driving I did to UCF and back.

My day got slightly better when David picked me up. We made ourselves dinner, we cuddled, he reassured me that I’m strong and smart and can attend school, and reminded me that it’s still a ways off yet. Then we watched The IT Crowd. I was better there, I was laughing and smiling, loads better than the blank affect I went over there with. However, I am now home, and I am depressed.

What sucks is I was beginning to believe that I was okay, not like permanently healed or anything, but I went at least two weeks without being depressed or manic particularly, just kind of pleasant. I’m still new to this cycling thing, and to how my meds affect it, and how I’m supposed to react when things take a nose dive for the less appealing moods. I just don’t know what to do, and I wish I could grab my good mood and take it back, and I wish I knew what made my mood take a turn for the worse.

My body hurts and I’m sad. I feel kind of hopeless. I feel kind of empty.


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