Life has been really getting me down lately. I won’t even know it too, that is until I start uncontrollably sobbing. David kept asking me today: “you okay?” “What’s wrong?” And I was like: “I’m fine”, and then he tried to make me watch a documentary on smash bros. and my world crumbled before my eyes and I sobbed about how terrible my life is for a solid five minutes. David’s great, of course, and he just cuddled me and told me that it was the bipolar low talking, and I know I’m depressed right now, and that’s all fine and good, but when the only thing you like about your life is your boyfriend I feel like you must be doing something wrong. I hate school, and that’s what I spend the vast majority of my time doing. My classes are not interesting, my school is sad, I have like two friends. It’s all just suckish. And I think to myself, is it really worth it? Am I not listening, does God want something else of me? What am I doing wrong? Why do I feel the urge to cry all the time. I know it’s the depression, and I’m probably right where I’m supposed to be in life, but dang. When do I get to enjoy what I do again? Does everyone hate school and dread the thought of leaving their bed in the morning? It worries me, and I shouldn’t worry, but in a few months I’m going to live an hour away to attend a school. What if I hate it too?
Woe is me, right?
Anyway, life isn’t all crying and sad stuff. My therapist says I have to do something for me everyday. It gives me a really good excuse to watch the office/take a nap every day. Gotta “treat myself”, oops, wrong show. Oh, and I’m leading worship Sunday! Two good things, two good things.